Requited At Last: A Brave New World And A Lovely Girl

For the first time ever since my first foray into romance nine years ago, my feelings have been returned. And because of this blissful and new development, I am experiencing elements that are both nothing and everything I expected. Either way, to say that it’s beautiful – she is beautiful – is an understatement.

It’s no other than Berna, of course, a person that I was joking to have a crush on…until I realized that jokes are half-meant and I told more than two. And ever since I got to know her better, I discovered that she’s funny, weird, and full of life. She’s also into anime and manga, novels, and movies – especially the bizarre ones that not a lot of people are into, which are also ones I find interesting. She calls me a pervert and a masochist, while I call her a tsundere and a sadist – perfectly fitting, as the two of us are character archetypes that the foundation of many anime and manga are built upon. Strangely and not-so-strangely enough, we mesh well together on a level I have never felt before – not even with Amparo, and Amparo and I make so good a combination that the people around us can see it. And it is because of that unmistakable synchrony of our wavelengths that I began making initial moves on her and then ultimately asked her out on a date.

Honestly, I was surprised that she agreed to watch Spectre with just me alone. I gave her the option to drag along anyone she likes, but she didn’t. But despite what seems like an implicit declaration of our movie-watching as a date, I still didn’t want to assume anything because of my painful past romantic experiences. Going by that mindset, I thought it was too early for me to reveal my intentions, as it’s only the first date. Thankfully, I didn’t have to because she held my hand during the movie – a brave move on her end, because for all she know, I could just be bored and only want some company. And with the interlocking of our fingers during a James Bond film began our story. And in a good story, there has to be conflicts, plot twists, and of course, antagonists.

During the tricycle ride to work after our movie date, as she held my hand, she told me that we’re not yet even getting started and someone is already getting in our way. Our boss. It all began with me sitting beside Berna, a move that according to him will cause a decline to the entire team’s productivity, as past office romances, he claims, have been “disruptive” to work. So that the things he dread won’t happen, instead of actually getting to know us better and checking whether our officeserye is actually affecting everyone’s work negatively, he takes the lazy and corporate way out by assuming that we’re 100% like the past couples, couples that never were, and psycho stalkers with a crush, and impose a pointless seating arrangement that nobody really obeys because everyone has their own preferred seats. After all, sitting beside Berna is destructive to the company while facing the wall isn’t, even though I’m much more productive with the former and bored out of my wits to the point that I can’t write with the latter. Then again, maybe he just wants what’s best for the company, so official courting time is only during breaks and after work, and by courting he means any interactions between Berna and I regardless of context. Yep, nothing beats sticking to traditional corporate know-how that doesn’t really help; fuck trying out new things in the name of innovation and growth that might bring an unexpected and unprecedented boom to the company.

Sounds tough, right? Well, it is, but that’s actually one of the easy parts, as our boss is, more or less, a clear and obvious threat to our shipping. As of now, what I perceive as the greatest dangers are the negative principalities within and around us. She told me she’s moody. I told her I can handle it, but my words are yet to be tested. She hates it when I self-pity, whenever I tell her or imply that I don’t deserve her. And me? I fear that I might fail her, that I might not live up to her expectations, and that I might do something so wrong and stupid that I would hurt her. But as of now, since we’re at the very early stages, these known spectres have yet to truly manifest themselves, and unknown ones have yet to surface. Nevertheless, I am already bracing for the times when they do, for I know they’re not going to be easy, but I’m certain that weathering them is going to be worth it. And of course, I’m savoring every moment while they still haven’t.

Ever since I was a child, people have been telling me about the plethora of wonderful things that come with having your feelings returned. A lot, if not most of them, are true. What most of them failed to mention, however, is the other side – the many hardships that are part and parcel of this beautiful exchange of emotions. I’ve heard of them from a few lucid people in my life, especially those who were or are in a relationship, so I know that being liked back isn’t the end, but is just the beginning of both the joys and the pains. And to truly bring out and refine the former, the latter is necessary.

So Berna, I would like you to know that I want to spend a really long time being happy with you, I am more than willing to face the challenges the world throws at us and change for the better no matter how difficult, for I know that that is the only way that I can be with you.

It’s a beautiful yet somewhat difficult new world with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way – most especially easier – with anyone else. Tayo na, Berna. J