Otaku Stuff
Pokemon GO-tta Have Heart: Here’s Y
“Because the friendship that you gave has taught me to brave, no matter where I go I’ll never find a better prize”
-Human League, Electric Dreams
Pokémon GO, the worldwide phenomenon that restored the former hype of the still-popular franchise it’s based on, is built on an amazing and interesting concept – augmented reality; bringing Pokémon in the real life, a bit of an oxymoron that works. Still, despite the innovation Pokémon GO has brought to the franchise and in gaming as an industry, hardcore fans of the Pokemon main games shit on the game, especially those who’ve tried it. Some because they blindly don’t like the game itself, some because of anti-mainstream (yet ironically) elitism-driven hatred, and some because the people who are now joining the bandwagon were mocking them a few months before the app’s release. But aside from those three, there is another reason why this unique Pokémon game got its fair share of detractors, and a lot of them are probably even among the 15 million former users of the app. And what would that be? The seeming soullessness of the game.
Gimmick-wise, Pokémon GO lets you do what no other Pokémon game has ever done before: “see” and catch Pokémon in the real world; encourage you to do a bit (or a lot) of going outside your house to catch more and rarer Pokémon; join a team, capture gyms for your team’s glory, and give people from other teams who dare take your gym from you a righteous beatdown – until you lose and get your gym taken over by another trainer. The problem, however, is that these features that make Pokémon GO unique have rendered the eponymous creatures that serve as the franchise’s core as mere inanimate tools that players just collect and pit against each other.
Well, technically, Pokémon were never alive in the first place. But in Pokémon lovers’ hearts and minds, they live. And like all living things, they grow – they level up and evolve. This is still just as true in Pokémon GO, as players can make their Pokémon stronger by feeding them candies. But just because they can doesn’t mean they will, as they hardly have any incentive to make their Pokémon more powerful, thanks to the system being designed, on purpose or otherwise, to make trainers opt to catch stronger Pokémon rather than raise the combat points of the Pokémon they have already caught – especially the starters, as trainers in the core games rely on them the most.
Because of this, the game fails to bring into the game one of the most important themes in the franchise: unlocking the full potential of Pokémon through hard work and training. In addition, it makes it seem as if Pokémon are replaceable things, and that the deciding factor to leave – or at least ignore – some Pokémon over others is because of power. Then again, the same thing can happen in the core games, but at least they don’t lock you with switching with a more powerful Pokémon as the only option, unlike in GO. A Pokémon game that doesn’t encourage sticking with them and helping them grow isn’t much of a Pokémon game, or at least one that is devoid of love. I mean, think about it; Pokémon are supposed to be hyper-powered pets, and to ditch one over another all because of greater power is cold, to say the least.
I’ve been a fan of the Pokémon anime since I was ten, and have been playing the core games – all gens according to franchise history, gens 3 to 6 according to game release – since I was seventeen. The seven-year gap was due to us being broke as a kid, as I only had access to a PC and therefore an emulator later on, and only had a secondhand 3DS as an adult. And each and every one of those games have been a journey and experience. Both me and my Pokémon struggled, trained, fought, evolved, explored the world and its mysteries, and had our strengths and friendships grow. The games have NPCs that tell you how your Pokémon feel about you, so I know this much is true, and moreso in Pokémon X/Y. And mine, specifically, is Pokemon Y.
If Pokémon GO is the ticket of the dead versions of the namesake creatures into the real world, Pokémon X/Y, on the other hand, is a ticket to the Pokémon world, which, for the first time, is finally in vibrant 3D, has vibrant 3D Pokémon and Pokémon battles, and much-improved Pokémon movement and attack animations and effects. And most importantly, in relation to this current discussion about Pokémon-trainer bonding in the games, X/Y is a massive improvement over the previous gens, as the game has a Poke-Amie feature where you can play and feed your Pokémon like they’re Tamagotchi, and Pokémon are no longer too shy to make their affections towards their trainers felt. You can see them react joyfully after they play a game or get fed with a Poke-puff, and you can see how much they like you through the five-tier heart gauge in Poke-Amie.
And the best part? It manifests in battle. If your Pokémon’s heart gauge is a full five hearts, it can dodge attacks, land critical hits (or at least wish that it did), and even sometimes survive supposedly fatal blows, all because it loves you. Never has the power of love and friendship been translated into any core Pokémon game before, and it has been done so near-perfectly and awesomely to the point that it’s game-changing. Rightfully so; this is, after all, love, an extraordinary phenomenon that unlocks impossibilities. Simply put, it lets people and Pokémon pull of amazing feats, even miracles – that is the highest expression of the bond between Pokémon and trainer. DatBoiKage (Greninja), Sylveon, and Charot (Charizard), as well as the many other Pokemon I’ve trained over the course of 85 hours can do all those things because they love me, and they do so because I loved them first, love them now, and will love them forever, even if I lose my 3DS and game cartridge. I have to admit though, these three are my favorites; yes that’s favoritism, but hey, it’s still worse than GO players’ way of treating Pokemon. Anyway, the point is that anyone can throw a Pokeball and make the captured Pokémon fight for them, but not everyone –and not every game, even if it’s Pokémon – has the heart to help a Pokémon come into his or her fullness, both in its capabilities to fight and to love. Yes, I’m looking at you, Pokémon GO.
Nevertheless, I have to give credit to where it’s due: Pokémon GO is an amazing and important advancement of augmented reality, smartphone gaming or even gaming in general, and the Pokemon franchise. But without the heart that has been pumping in the core games, or with how the game is set up, then it’s never going to be Pokemon enough. So even though I don’t play the game, and despite my straight-up comparing of X/Y with it and portraying the former as superior, I don’t hate it or its players want it to be that; I want it to be able to truly carry the name. After all, it’s the most played Pokemon game…ever. And because of its achievement and reach, I want it to succeed and have a heart, so that everyone can not only find Pokemon in the real world, but also and more importantly, learn love from them.
For it is love, not candies, that is the true source of strength of both people and Pokemon.
Writers: The Lover And The Beloved
“You’ve always written because you wanted to. If you don’t want to any more, why should you? Do you think your not writing is going to cause a village to burn to the ground? A ship to sink? The tides to get messed up? Or set the revolution back five years? Hardly. I don’t think anybody’s going to label that defection.”
-Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
One who does not read cannot be a writer, or at least be a good one. So of course, I read, a lot. But when it comes to writing about Bernadette, reading can only teach me techniques; only my heart can tell me what things about her should be put into writing. Last week, however, I received a source material from my muse, one that she herself wrote. It’s a rather welcome change, a temporary reversal of role – I, the writer, had become a reader, and she, the reader, had become a writer. It also made me realize that my writing has become just as much for her as it is for me.
Writing, the kind that stems from the heart, is mostly a solitary, self-indulgent, and self-serving passion. No matter how good wordsmiths spin their motive for doing what they eponymously engage in all they want, that truth is inescapable. But despite the fact that the main reason behind the inception of most of these soul-driven pieces of work is self-satisfaction, there are some among them that are meant to be read as much as they are meant to be written, and they are more than meant to be about and for someone else than they are about and for the self. Such is the case with pieces centered on love.
A love letter – I just received one from my beloved. Rather, it’s more of an open letter, a blog post, if you must. It’s not the first writing I got from her, as she had given me two cards before, but I never received something as long and as telling of her soul as this one. And up to now, even though it has been a week old, I am still moved by its content, the crafting of it as an art, and the very gesture of putting words together not only to convey a message to me, but also and more importantly, to make me feel her love for me in a manner that she hasn’t done so before. I have already responded to what the letter is saying, but have yet to the act of her writing itself. And that is what I must do so.
Reading is the first and most important approach to a literary work; the next would be to understand the context: the setting the author was in when they wrote it, the life experiences they are going through, and the reason why they wrote it in the first place. I know all of them all too well. She wrote it at work, sneaking a few hours to make something personal – something I’d do; she’s in a rather interesting time in her life, as we’ve found love in each other, and at the same time wondering what she could do within herself to play her role in this theater of romance (the answer is nothing; I love her because and in spite of who she is); and she wrote it for me, for her love. Oh a girl, the one that I love, writing for, about, and to me – how dreamlike, manga-like.
Aya Toujo-like in many aspects – beautiful; kind; intelligent; esteemed in the arts, especially literature and film; and always so loving, understanding, and supportive of me. I, however, never thought that she’d share this one facet as that of the paragon of all romance-harem heroines: being a writer. Once again, that is. I remember her telling me that she had given up on the craft, saying that it’s not for her, even though she is just as capable a wordsmith as I am in my eyes – not as her lover, but as a writer, a critic. She has eloquent word choice and accurate usage; she’s able to get her thoughts and emotions across in the most beautiful way possible. And if she can craft such a wonderful and genuine piece that would move not only me but also others that would read it, then I say that she’s prematurely hanging up her dream.
That, however, is but a suggestion. It’s not my dream, but hers. She is the one carrying this brainchild of an ambition in the womb that is her heart, so hers is the ultimate prerogative to abort or give birth it. And whatever her choice may be, I will fully be behind her. But I, her partner and one of her potential inspirations, should she choose to dream again, would like to immerse myself into whatever life her words would bring. I can picture it – me, frolicking in beaches, jungles, deserts, cities, temples, planets, cosmic places; rubbing elbows with creatures of whatever kind in her creations; or me, being one of the many stars in in the universe of her thoughts and feelings – how enamoring, how…self-centered of me.
Berna once told me that it doesn’t matter to a piece from me is about, for, and to her or not; what does is that it’s from me. And that’s what I feel towards her writing too. No matter how impersonal and even though I’m no part of it, any work of hers is a gem, and any piece from her has a piece of her soul infused to it, so each and every one of them is worth the read.
So honey, like I previously said, whatever you choose to do with the dream is up to you, but I’d be happy if you pick it back up. And if you choose to write – to dream – once again but don’t know how or where, don’t know how or where, then think of your passion as a book that you haven’t read for quite some time now and have forgotten where you stopped. Well, just start anew again, so the parts you’ve already covered will have a brand new meaning, and eventually you’ll be on your way again. And when it comes to writing, it doesn’t have to be a short story or a poem; a letter or an essay about anything you want more than enough. In addition, don’t think about what others would say. Yes, getting read by others is important, but more important is that you quench your need to express what’s within you through words. Besides, you already have an audience, me, and I say to you, not as a lover but as a critic and fellow writer, that your writing is superb, and I wish I have more of it in my life.
I’ve always imagined what it would be like to have a writer girlfriend like Aya Toujo. We’d exchange writing, read them together, understand each other better, and engage in activities that would further enrich our love for one another and make great sources of inspiration. Well, now I have seen a glimpse of what a life like that would be. I’d say it’s amazing, because my two loves – my woman and my mistress, writing, both hers and mine – share almost the same space in my life.
But even if my mistress fades, I’ll still love my woman. I love her not because she writes, but because of love itself, and I write because it is a part of me, because of the things that are worth writing, and because of the things I love – and one of them is my woman.
I love you, Berna.
(Not) A Damsel In Distrss
One of my favorite fiction tropes would be the damsel in distress. A woman, trapped in a dire situation, is saved by a dashing hero, and in doing so she falls for him. It remains as one of the most romantic clichés ever despite its overuse, but I learned recently that no person in the right mind could and should romanticize such an event if it were to happen in real life. And the reason I arrived with such a conclusion is because that’s the predicament Berna and I are in, and reality is so much harsher than fiction. I wish that it weren’t happening, as it’s taking a toll on her. But no matter how many coins I throw on a well, fairies won’t wand-wave our way out of this. Heck, there isn’t even a way to do what fictional heroes do, which is to vanquish the chief antagonist, thus freeing the girl. All I could do is be beside her in her fight against the insidious spectres that are haunting her, until the night when she can fight them off herself,= and close her eyes without fear or worry finally falls, for that is the only way I can truly be a true hero and save the damsel in distress.
In works of fiction, the hero encounters many petty and easily vanquished scum – robbers, goblins, trolls – along the journey, and at then he finally reaches the damsel’s chief abductor-tormentor – a powerful witch/wizard/warlock, a highly advanced alien race, a ferocious dragon, a wicked ruler, an obscure cult, or an ancient evil entity – which he battles with all his will and might in order to prove his love and dedication for his lady. But in real life, a robber, which is usually but a minor nuisance on the road in fiction, is more than enough to be the big bad villain. In real life, the damsel isn’t trapped in a tower; instead, she’s in the safety of her own home, and that sense of safety was dispelled when that stealing bastard broke into it, attempted to steal some of her family’s hard-earned possessions, and stabbed her mother on the forearm. His robbery of material things may have failed, but he has stolen the security of my woman and her family towards their own house and neighborhood. That means she had to be on a lookout on some nights; that means she now has to come home early or sleep at the office. He has stolen my woman’s peace; now she fears that a strange, malevolent man is lurking at the place where she’s supposed to feel the safest, standing beside her bed, looming at her as she sleeps. And while I, because of some strange reason and God’s help, was able to somehow get her smile back, there is still much work to be done.
Last Friday, hours after the incident, she just kept on crying over the phone and recounting what happened. Last Saturday, a day after the incident, I met her on KFC, and she didn’t say a word at first, and instead just held me tight, as though I was a living, breathing distress ball. At first I thought she’s going to be silent during the entirety of our date, except she wasn’t; she managed to smile, laugh even, which meant that somehow the warmth, joy, and lightheartedness I was sending her was getting through the dark and heavy shroud of her troubles. However, happiness won’t fight off filthy criminal lowlives, so as an additional measure, I lent her a wooden club, and Father lent her his steel baseball bat; both of which I carried on my back as though they were swords I would swing against anyone who has harmed and will harm her, especially that disgusting, evil crook. Imbued in those weapons is my wish to have peace restored in her heart, home, and family, and my passing it on to her was a symbolic gesture – the turning of that wish into a reality. So yesterday, I somehow thought that aside from the fact that she has to go home early or spend the night at the office, everything will start to slowly but surely return to the way things were in her life. And it does. But to me, it’s not fast enough.
Last night she texted me, telling me that she’s finding it hard to sleep because she’s still thinking about what happened, so I promised her that nobody’s going to hurt her. Thankfully, two texts after that, she had probably fallen asleep already. Of course she is still frightened; it’s only been a few days. I, however, wish that she no longer were instantaneously, not because I miss the times when we were carefree, or because I no longer want to deal with what she’s going through, but because I no longer want her to feel so frightened and haunted. If only there is no battle going on in the shadows of her mind, but oh there is, and wishful thinking going to cut it, so as her hero/warrior/guardian/knight/ninja, I will fight alongside her no matter how long, and certainly we’ll win. And the proof of that victory? My princess and her royal family will regain what the thief has stolen – security, serenity, and joy. And in their minds, the memory of that fearful night with that thief will be nothing but that – a memory.
Dear Berna,
I want you to know that I am with you, and God is with us. It’s alright to fear, but I know, and you should know, that deep down within you is the strength, courage, and peace that will allow you to fight it, and I will fight alongside you and awaken all those things. We’ll destroy all the ghosts that thief left in his wake, and we’ll live victoriously and happily ever after. For this is not a story about a damsel in distress, but about a war-goddess and her wargod.
Make Up, Not Break Up Part 2: Punches, Kicks, And Throwbacks
“They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby now you do”-Lana del Rey, Video Games
Two Sundays ago, Berna and I have finally made up. We were sweetly texting each other, and our call lasted for hours. But come Monday, we were fighting again, and this time punches and kicks are involved, because nothing says “I love you and I’m glad we’re okay again” like the video game violence that is Street Fighter IV.
For casual gamers and fight game enthusiasts who have yet to get into the series, Street Fighter IV is a good title to start getting into the almost-thirty-year old fight game mainstay. It has colorful and lively cel-shaded graphics, easy combos and controls that make the game feel like the original arcade hit, and the roster includes familiar well-loved classic characters and fresh faces who will be future favorites. On the other hand, for long-time fans, other than those aforementioned reasons, it’s the nostalgia factor. I wasn’t born in 1987 yet, which when Street Fighter first hit the market as a token-operated arcade machine, but I can definitely understand what long-time Street Fighter players feel with this game, as there was a seventeen-year gap between this one and Street Fighter III, which was released back in 1999, making the game feel like the proof of the crossing over of the franchise’s mainline titles into the modern gaming world. And to me, Berna and I sitting together on a Chinese New Year afternoon, duking things out with each other once again feels like a return to the times when our romance was still budding, an early reset of the tone of our relationship to that of a happy one.
Before we became an official couple, we were like two teens who were playing a guessing game of feelings. But aside from that, we usually played Mortal Kombat X after work, pulling off fatalities until our wrists hurt. Our Street Fighter game felt like a return to those peculiar but exciting our pre-courtship days, except this time, instead of figuring out what each other feels, we now affirm each other of the love we share and the relationship we have. One thing hasn’t changed though, and that’s us bringing the virtual pain on one another. It’s what we needed, as we had been through a not-so-minor-but-not-so-major strain in our relationship last Friday and Saturday, as I seemed disinterested with her on our Fri-date, wherein we watched a boring-ass movie and fell asleep , then I even considered going to a drinking session even though she’s strongly advised not to because I’m already drowsy. Monday, other than being a throwback, was my reparation for the things I’ve done wrong, and a chance for us to do what she wanted last Friday. Not so surprisingly, I loved it a thousand times better than The Revenant. Fuck yeah, it’s geek culture over borderline pretentious artsy-fartsy crap.
We’re the type of couple who love talking. A lot. In fact, there are many times when we prefer to just chat rather than watch or do something. So after our rather zany Street Fighter session that left me wanting more, we hit BF Ruins, a nearby dry market full of stalls that sell clothes, toys, food, pirated DVDs, smartphones and their accessories, and vape-related goods. I bought an Arceus plushie, while she bought chili balls and dynamite for us to share while we sat on one of the tables at the middle of the place. As we ate our snacks, I remembered the first time we went there, which was when I was still courting her. We were eating quail eggs, I think, and we were talking about how I’d know when we’re already official. She told me that I should be the one to ask her if we’re already official. She then added that when I pop the question, it has to be a surprise and the mood has to be perfect. My crazy little mind thought that there’s no better time than that exact same moment, so I just let it rip in the middle of a place that’s devoid of class and atmosphere. Of course she didn’t answer my question, but she told me that she felt as if she was going to have a heart attack. Fast forward from that point in time to Monday last week, back to us eating street food there once again, except this time the question has already been answered with a resounding yes for almost two months already; and this time was no longer about us becoming a couple, but about us returning to being a happy couple after a day or two of conflict.
After our last hurrah at Army Navy, where we shared an eight-inch Starving Sailor Sandwich and Freedom Fries, we went home happy. And for me, even though the things we did were relatively simple, it was one of the best dates I’ve had with Berna. Maybe it’s because the dark days before our date forced me to put things into perspective. It reminded me of the things we’ve been doing right since day one, and by doing my part as she did hers, we were able to turn what’s ordinary into special once again, and bring back the magic of our first days and elevate it to an entirely new level.
It might seem strange that I’m talking a lot about the beginning even though we haven’t even hit two months yet. But for me, it’s not. I’m not missing that intoxicating feeling of newness; it’s just that our reconciliation allowed us to take ourselves back to our wonderful first few days and replace its former fuel, which is the thrill of the chase, with a new one, which is the assurance, consistency, and dedication of our love for each other. Just like Street Fighter IV, this is a start that feels both familiar and completely fresh, and I will always remember the awesomeness of it and our first days in mind. By doing so, I’ll never forget both the most amazing girl to ever come into my life, and the A-game that have made and will make me pursue and choose that girl every day.
I love you Berna. May our restored bond, the magic of our Monday date, the joys and struggles to come, and the times we’ve been and will be together make us last longer than Street Fighter. Let’s see how many sequels we can play.
P.S. I swear I’ll no longer play Blanka. 😛
Ah! My Human Girlfriend
Last Sunday, for some strange reason, and fittingly, of all days, the theme of my girl and I when we were texting is that of Greek mythology. And now I realized that this blog post is long overdue, two months ago to be exact, as it was back in the 18th of December that I found my goddess, Bernadette. So here I am, in my atelier once again, writing about the most recent chapter of my personal saga and mythos, of the fairly new and hopefully endless age of a monotheistic pantheon and the religion of its sole faithful. Welcome to the third realm,
There are women, and then there are souls who share the same physiology and behaviors as them but are echelons above them. At first I thought they were angels, and I have been chasing after these beautiful beings ever since my first sighting of them. This world, which revolved around romanticized unrequited love and was set in a four century-old academe, slowly unfolded until it lost flight, hit the ground, and became broken, as one messenger was plucked after another. Then came the second – a colorful and expansive realm that spanned workplaces, cityscapes, beaches, and the plane of cyberspace. It is teeming with mermaids, faeries, and nymphs, and hiding among them is the goddess. I chased after them, these candidates for the divine, and when I was starting to feel tired of all the running around, ghosting, and friendzoning – both in my end and that of the false deities – the true one has finally descended. Bernadette.
Bernadette, the chief and only goddess of the Jamesbayotian Romantic Mythology. Some facets of her are opposite of what I have envisioned the goddess to be, as instead of being a fair-skinned chinita, she is a pure Filipina type with big and deep black eyes and smooth olive skin. Standing at around 5’2” or 5’3”, she’s definitely not petite, and instead voluptuous. And rather of being the sweet moe type, she is a sadistic tsundere, a blood goddess, Aztec-like in nature. However, some aspects of her have a commonality with how I imagined the goddess. Because as much as she hates to admit, her tsundere-ness is only the surface of her psyche; deep down she is a benevolent and warmhearted goddess who loves and is concerned with her one and only devotee, an Aphrodite whose love goes beyond that of Eros. She is also a deity of wisdom, as our deep, seamless, and seemingly unending conversations – proof of our beyond-physical connection – are filled with dialogue about cultures, ideas, dreams, passions, the arts, knowledge, and so much more. That is why she is now the goddess; she is now the world; this world, which is hopefully the last and everlasting.
She is the earth beneath my feet, warm and solid but not too hard. In her richness, inspirations take root and blossoms for all the world to see. She is the sea beside it, known yet still holds mysteries, a timeless old soul who is full of colorful life underneath a beautiful blue exterior. She is at times calm, at times unsettlingly silent, at times mercurial, and all the time a sight to behold. She is the open, endless sky above us all, and beyond that peaceful azure is a universe of possibilities rife with celestial bodies, forming figures and foretelling our futures. And this new cosmos, which is her, is shared by the two of us and the people and things integral to our mythos.
The first world was patterned on Evangelion and Judeo-Christian symbolism, the second one was an all-myths-are-true New Age Spirituality hoopla, and this current one is its continuation. This is the Age of Transcendence, of New Enlightenment, and Love. She sits on her throne, above and beyond the time-space, looking down on a nearly-infinite number of multiverses, watching her beloved warrior-poet hero – I – attempt to achieve greatness by following his passions and profess his love for her by offering her words, deeds, artifacts, and sustenance. And in my adventures with and for The Goddess, I am aided by equally important men and women: the wise prophet Fernan and our other brothers-in-arms Paolo, Nico, Nhel, and Ivan; the wordsmiths of La Salle – Kei, John, and Joyce; crafty rogues of SEO Hacker; my family, which adores the Goddess; the now-diaspora that is BMJ; and my loyal canine retainers Tala and Chase. As our journey continues, we discover bizarre beings: five-legged cows that live in Sky Ranch (we haven’t been to Sky Ranch), coffee-drinking giant humanoid rats and lizards, magma drakes, and unnamed dragons, just to name a few. And in our path that leads to the altar and the fulfillment of “The Prophecy”, there are those who will stop us: the Green Sea Monster, the Woman Who Changes Her Face, and Archangel Lucifer AKA “God Himself”. But through our love, understanding of each other, maturity, and giving each other freedom to grow, we will prevail, this glorious age will last forever, and we’ll continue having adventures until we ascend to the next plane, where we’ll still walk hand-in-hand side by side and continue conquering brave new frontiers.
Putting a girl on a pedestal is wrong. While treating a woman as a goddess make her pure, powerful, and smooth, it would strip her of her important right and ability to have weaknesses, break down, and ask for help, find rest from expectations, and become who she truly is and wants to become. So of course, Berna is never truly a goddess; she has flaws – some of which I already know, and some I am still discovering – and I would never take away her God-given right to have them. But the thing about love is that, according to my professor, it is imagined. I don’t fully agree, but I don’t fully disagree either; it just means that we love the one we love because the real fits the mold of the ideal. And Berna, while not exactly the latter, possesses many traits of the latter. And in this written realm, one of the imagined and ideal, Berna is glorified and ascribed divine properties to, turning her to the goddess Bernadette. However, she is far inferior to the mortal she is derived from.
As long as I love Berna, Bernadette will exist, but only in my head, and I will love her, but only as a symbol of the perfect love for a perfect existence. And I love Berna, a beautiful yet flawed flesh-and-spirit fusion of a female who exists in the plane of reality, for I can love her, and she can make me feel the same love. And although this life of love with her will have times of sadness, pain, worry, and fear, it still bests a self-serving fabricated romance between me and Bernadette, for it is felt by the body, the mind, the heart and the soul.
I love you, Berna. You are the myth and the living legend. 🙂
Requited At Last: A Brave New World And A Lovely Girl
For the first time ever since my first foray into romance nine years ago, my feelings have been returned. And because of this blissful and new development, I am experiencing elements that are both nothing and everything I expected. Either way, to say that it’s beautiful – she is beautiful – is an understatement.
It’s no other than Berna, of course, a person that I was joking to have a crush on…until I realized that jokes are half-meant and I told more than two. And ever since I got to know her better, I discovered that she’s funny, weird, and full of life. She’s also into anime and manga, novels, and movies – especially the bizarre ones that not a lot of people are into, which are also ones I find interesting. She calls me a pervert and a masochist, while I call her a tsundere and a sadist – perfectly fitting, as the two of us are character archetypes that the foundation of many anime and manga are built upon. Strangely and not-so-strangely enough, we mesh well together on a level I have never felt before – not even with Amparo, and Amparo and I make so good a combination that the people around us can see it. And it is because of that unmistakable synchrony of our wavelengths that I began making initial moves on her and then ultimately asked her out on a date.
Honestly, I was surprised that she agreed to watch Spectre with just me alone. I gave her the option to drag along anyone she likes, but she didn’t. But despite what seems like an implicit declaration of our movie-watching as a date, I still didn’t want to assume anything because of my painful past romantic experiences. Going by that mindset, I thought it was too early for me to reveal my intentions, as it’s only the first date. Thankfully, I didn’t have to because she held my hand during the movie – a brave move on her end, because for all she know, I could just be bored and only want some company. And with the interlocking of our fingers during a James Bond film began our story. And in a good story, there has to be conflicts, plot twists, and of course, antagonists.
During the tricycle ride to work after our movie date, as she held my hand, she told me that we’re not yet even getting started and someone is already getting in our way. Our boss. It all began with me sitting beside Berna, a move that according to him will cause a decline to the entire team’s productivity, as past office romances, he claims, have been “disruptive” to work. So that the things he dread won’t happen, instead of actually getting to know us better and checking whether our officeserye is actually affecting everyone’s work negatively, he takes the lazy and corporate way out by assuming that we’re 100% like the past couples, couples that never were, and psycho stalkers with a crush, and impose a pointless seating arrangement that nobody really obeys because everyone has their own preferred seats. After all, sitting beside Berna is destructive to the company while facing the wall isn’t, even though I’m much more productive with the former and bored out of my wits to the point that I can’t write with the latter. Then again, maybe he just wants what’s best for the company, so official courting time is only during breaks and after work, and by courting he means any interactions between Berna and I regardless of context. Yep, nothing beats sticking to traditional corporate know-how that doesn’t really help; fuck trying out new things in the name of innovation and growth that might bring an unexpected and unprecedented boom to the company.
Sounds tough, right? Well, it is, but that’s actually one of the easy parts, as our boss is, more or less, a clear and obvious threat to our shipping. As of now, what I perceive as the greatest dangers are the negative principalities within and around us. She told me she’s moody. I told her I can handle it, but my words are yet to be tested. She hates it when I self-pity, whenever I tell her or imply that I don’t deserve her. And me? I fear that I might fail her, that I might not live up to her expectations, and that I might do something so wrong and stupid that I would hurt her. But as of now, since we’re at the very early stages, these known spectres have yet to truly manifest themselves, and unknown ones have yet to surface. Nevertheless, I am already bracing for the times when they do, for I know they’re not going to be easy, but I’m certain that weathering them is going to be worth it. And of course, I’m savoring every moment while they still haven’t.
Ever since I was a child, people have been telling me about the plethora of wonderful things that come with having your feelings returned. A lot, if not most of them, are true. What most of them failed to mention, however, is the other side – the many hardships that are part and parcel of this beautiful exchange of emotions. I’ve heard of them from a few lucid people in my life, especially those who were or are in a relationship, so I know that being liked back isn’t the end, but is just the beginning of both the joys and the pains. And to truly bring out and refine the former, the latter is necessary.
So Berna, I would like you to know that I want to spend a really long time being happy with you, I am more than willing to face the challenges the world throws at us and change for the better no matter how difficult, for I know that that is the only way that I can be with you.
It’s a beautiful yet somewhat difficult new world with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way – most especially easier – with anyone else. Tayo na, Berna. J
Hana Love You
I’m not a big fan of tsunderes. I don’t like how they feel something yet say and act the complete opposite of it. Of course, there are a few likeable ones, such as Misaka Mikoto from the To Aru universe, Tenma Sakurako from Love Collage, Sylvia from Wagatsuma-san is my wife, and Hana from Prison School. Yes, that crazy martial artist prude ex-warden. I like her now, she’s cute, and she’s the “say-the-opposite-but-does-what-she-feels” tsundere, so she’s got my like. In fact, I’m kind of confused now which between her and Chiyo will I root for.
Chiyo’s got that cute-sweet-shy-nice vibe that I always want in a woman.
But gods damn it, Hana, her fury is just so cute and sexy at the same that time my heart flutters while my penis gets hard whenever I read the chapter even though she’s fully clothed. I don’t know, her allure is on another level, so much so that it transcends the usual tropes of the genre. Damn it, Prison School has never been this kawaii; it’s giving me a soft, warm feeling inside my chest.
And now, the spam. Have some Hana love ❤
Only Hana can make an act as vainglorious as selfies a mathematically precise endeavor. Such passion.
Such depth and beauty…
I better try this out soon…
I’m no DoTA 2 pro, but I’d love to carry Hana.
Lucky Kiyoshi.
And my favorite. The art for this panel is so different and cute, and Hana is just so focused and attentive. It’s kind of Disney-ish, actually.
Come on Chiyo, don’t let Hana get the lead.
Video Games
“This is my idea of fun, playin’ video games”
-Lana Del Rey, Video Games
Stop playing video games – that’s what sister and mother thinks what I should do to improve my life. It’s just a simple and harmless suggestion, yet it always leaves me enraged every single time they bring it up. Maybe I’m just taking it the wrong way, as they’re not restricting me, but just strongly discouraging me. but whenever they tell me that, it makes me feel that my way of life, my very existence, my raison d’etre, is wrong. I don’t really understand how can not playing video games can put my life in “the right path”. And when I say “the right path”, I mean their definition of the “right path” – social conformity and a career with a high pay and a chance for promotion. After all, I was always in the wrong path – a video game-playing, manga and novel-reading, and anime and movie-watching 23-year old licensed nurse who had a chance to be handsomely paid abroad but opted his dream of being a writer, a dream society thinks is stupid and childish because there is no money in it.
Yeah, they’re just telling me to stop the video game-playing part, but it’s as if they’re telling me to live my life as they see fit. Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t live that way. I can’t live a life not of my own. However, the life I want to live, this life of my own, is a lie, because a true life means a work-work-work-work for more money-money-money-money and promotion- promotion- promotion- promotion lifestyle. Why? So that you will enjoy life to the fullest the only way there is, which is to taste gourmet food, wear trendy clothes, go to far-off places, and have a family. Well, if that’s the case, then I’d rather live my own lie of a life. I probably won’t be broke, although I probably won’t be rich either, but that’s okay, because all I need is some money for instant noodles, the PC, the electric fan, the bed, the internet connection, a few clothes, water, electricty, rent, and movie tickets and beer buckets on the weekends. After all, writer + gamer + anime enthusiast + movie buff + love for novels and manga = unsuccessful in life. That equation is unquestionably and indisputably correct since Greek times.
But you want to have a girlfriend, right? Well, yeah, but a girlfriend can become a wife, and you have to feed a wife and her broodlings. If you’re not feeding her, or worse – she’s feeding you, then you’re a failure of a man. Since I probably won’t have enough money for a future wife and litters since I want to be a writer, I’d rather not have one. Of course, I don’t want to die a virgin, so I’d probably try my luck in bars and hopefully I’d be able to silver-tongue a hammered hot chinita and will have awful drunken sex with her for the first and last time ever. Aya Toujo? She does not…NO JAMES! Hold on to her, for she is your sliver of hope for love, your 0.000000000000000001%. She will love you with all your heart, bear you a child, live with you through thick and thin as long as you have a job, and then you’ll quit your games because you have the one girl you’ve always wanted. But of course, I can vanish off the face of this planet after six decades or less and not find her or someone relatively close, so I’ll probably never have a girlfriend. And sicne I won’t have one, I’ll never talk to that cute accountant Marian in Eng501M class.
Travel the world? I’ve been around it, thanks to Google. Besides, the only country I must visit in this life is Japan, the rest are just bonuses. But you haven’t seen life on the Amazon, the historical cities of Europe, and the dunes of the Sahara! Well, have you been to the Shadow Forest, the magical city of Geffen, and the sands of Ul’dah? Besides, I’ve already done my fair share of travel. I’ve been to Singapore – a beautiful and clean country. I’ve been to Boracay – white sands and crystal seas. I haven’t climbed a mountain before, but it only takes Php2000 worth of pocket money to do so. Well, honestly, I want to see the beautiful places of this ugly world and not just Japan, but being a writer is tantamount to being broke.
No family and won’t see the world – this is what a video game-playing, manga and novel-reading, and anime and movie-watching 23-year old writer’s future will be. Well, he could just stop being who he is and wants to be just to have those two, right? Well, he’d have done so if it’s as easy as flicking a switch. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way, and in a world where money is an important resource that he knows he can’t get much, he has made his realistic choices. Between a family of his own and himself and the things he wants to be and do, he chose the latter. Between a life full of highs and seeing to the highlights of the planet, he chose the former.
Maybe someday I’ll quit playing video games. Maybe I’ll quit my other outlets too. As well as my dream. Maybe I’ll be swallowed by the system and follow the three basic needs to be considered as a sane member of society: money, career progression, and family. Maybe I’ll cease being me, but that’s okay, because at least I have I am finally what people calls as successful. At least I have proven myself right, that society demands conformity, and those who refuse, it destroys. And society is a part of reality. And if reality is good and fair and not savage and cruel, then why does it have such a diabolical facet? Now you know why I reject reality. Now you know why I watch anime and movies. Now you know why I read manga and novels. Now you know why I write fiction.
Now you know why I play video games.
Mirai: You, Me, And Onodera Kosaki
One of the best things about being young is having the future ahead of them. If a youth is wise enough and won’t pull off that “f*ck it, I’m young” or YOLO crap and plan ahead, he or she can become who he or she chooses to be. However, not everyone knows what they want to do for the rest of their lives, including the sweet, smart, and pretty Onodera Kosaki.
I’ve always known what I’ve always wanted to be and do in life. Sure, I could’ve and should’ve gotten the right heading seven years earlier if I wasn’t such a pussy and fessed up that I can’t be a nurse because I’m a total klutz who cracks under pressure, but better late than never, right? As for Onodera, she is in the best and worst time of her life to decide for her future. Best, because she is still just a teenager. If she gets it right, she’s gonna have a huge headstart and be at the top of her chosen field at a young age. Worst, because you know how teenagers are – whimsical with their decisions because they are much too young to realize who they truly are, who they want to be, and what they want to do. I mean, some sixteen year-olds, if not most of them, are not mature enough to make a choice that can affect the rest of their lives, or even realize that a choice like that has to be made, so Onodera not knowing what she’ll be doing for the next twenty to forty years is actually normal. Of course, she has to decide at one point, but her epiphany that she hasn’t really thought of the future is already a big step towards it, so I’m sure she’s gonna do fine (James, look at you worry about a fictional character). With Nisekoi being catered mostly for the teenager demographic, I’m sure Onodera’s existential crisis will be a wake-up call to many of its readers, so I would like to commend Naoshi-sensei for deviating from the manga’s usual teenage love themes and teaching the kids something vital about real life.
We all have to earn money to survive. Aside from that, on a more socially and existentially relevant level, we all have to find our place in the world, the one thing we have to do. It doesn’t have to be something only you and you alone can do, and it can’t always be what you want to do (although it’s more fulfilling if it is, so you better try and achieve that), but as long as it gives you a sense of purpose and importance, provides food on the table, pays the damn bills, and allows you to experience life’s simple pleasures, then it’s more than enough.
So to my beloved Onodera, as well as everyone experiencing the same quandaries as her (you’re not my beloved tho): life, and the future, is what you make of it. If you’re young, you don’t have to decide now, but you’ll have to sooner or later, so take your time and choose carefully. Go and be what you always wanted to be so you won’t have any regrets. If you don’t make it, then it’s okay, because what matters is you tried; it just means that fate has something else planned for you. If you’re a bit old and are currently in the path you chose, get serious, because next thing you know the future has become the present. If you are young, a bit old, or even really old, and want a shift in your direction, then take this quote by C.S. Lewis: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” But don’t just read it and think everything will be fine; put all your heart and energy in your new goal, because half-hearted and half-assed attempts to get to the future you want will get you nowhere.
May we all get to the future we always dreamed and hoped for. 🙂
P.S.: Onodera, since you want to be a good wife, why not take up HRM, Culinary Arts, Interior Design, or Economics? 🙂
Til Death Do Us Part, Remember Until Forever
SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2, SWORD ART ONLINE, AND RUROUNI KENSHIN, DO NOT READ THIS, UNLESS YOU DON’T MIND THE SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED.
They have done it. I thought they’ll be putting it off for the next installment so that we can all prepare emotionally, but they didn’t; the bastards just couldn’t wait. I couldn’t ask why her, for this has happened before a long time ago, forty-one years ago to be exact. Damn it, I wish they didn’t cast Emma Stone for her part so that the unfortunate incident would’ve been far less tragic. By now, you already know what I’m talking about. If you still haven’t had the faintest idea, leave now, lest be spoiled.
Of course, I am talking about Gwen Stacy’s fate in The Amazing Spiderman 2 – the same doomed fate she had in the comics. While I wish they could’ve spared her, I couldn’t blame them either for sticking to the source material and breaking all of our hearts as an end result. To some, letting a beautiful and smart blonde with high hopes and dreams and so much love for our friendly lover-boy Spiderman fall to her destined death was either a possibility expected yet not hoped for, and to some it came out of nowhere. Nevertheless, foreseen or not, it still managed to make us all cringe as her body hit the floor and choke up as Peter realized she was gone forever. The worst part? She was played by Emma Stone. I mean, you don’t and shouldn’t kill Emma Stone; that’s just wasting God’s gift on earth. Man, how do you recover from that?
Oh God she was wearing the same thing…
Must be hard after the death of someone you loved so much, especially if he or she is everything you’ve ever wanted. If I were Peter, I’d probably tear Harry from limb to limb, quit being Spiderman, and never love again…but that’s just me. Heck, if Gwen were my girlfriend, I’d quit being Spiderman so that she and I wouldn’t be in danger and our lives would be like that of normal lovers. Great power comes great responsibili-what? NO. Screw responsibility, screw NYC, I’ll just do sweet nothings with her. In fact, it’s a wise thing to do; after all, supervillains only arise because of superheroes since crime steps up when justice does. Anyway, I’m digressing, back to the point – if I were Spidey and Gwen dies on my watch, then I will bid farewell to saving the day and finding another flame.
But of course, that’s not the heroic thing to do, especially in fiction, because as life goes on, the day will always needs saving, and the chance for a new love will always come. After all, even if the heroes have had someone on the level of Gwen Stacy, their next romance could be just as wonderful, or even more. Since they’re heroes, the life of their love interest will be in danger again, and they’re going to have to save him/her just like the last time. Thanks to the desperation to make sure that history never repeats itself, the lessons from the tragedy, and their love for their new muse, they will succeed. Here are few of the many examples of heroes that loved again despite failing to save their first love and succeeded in saving their current one.
Kirito (Sword Art Online)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I’m sorry Sachi-san, there are just not enough O’s in this world to make a NOOOOOOOOOO long enough that would express the pain of your eternal parting…
When it comes to gaming, Kirito is one unbelievably talented teenager. Unfortunately, in a virtual-reality MMO where death in the game world means death in real life, not even his mad skills could’ve saved his first in-game girl from a dungeon full of high-level monsters. Well, he did get an item that revives dead players from an event boss that he soloed, but he couldn’t use it on Sachi because it should be used within ten seconds of the player’s death. Because of his failure to prevent Sachi’s demise, he carried regret deep in his heart all throughout the game, as well as a sense of duty to make sure nobody, especially Asuna, dies under his watch.
Kenshin Himura (Rurouni Kenshin)
Before becoming the mild-mannered guardian of peace of the Meiji restoration, he was the infamous assassin Hitokiri Battousai of the Bakumatsu era. Before the sweet, caring tsundere that is Kaoru Kamiya came into his life, there was the elegant, beautiful, and stoic Tomoe Yukishiro who changed it. For Tomoe, whose fiancee has been killed, Kenshin is the love that came after, while Tomoe is Kenshin’s first. Pretty sweet, right? Well, if you think sweet means pretending to love the one who killed your lover, then it’s sweet as cherry pie. Yes, Kenshin was the one who slew Tomoe’s fiancee, but he didn’t know that Tomoe is the fiancee of the man he killed, so he had zero suspicions whatsoever, She, on the other hand, was going to keep her plans rolling in motion, until she realized how much they love each other. Thus, she decided to not give up on the plan. Unfortunately, in an attempt to rescue her, Kenshin accidentally killed her, as he was temporarily blind while she was in the way of her blade. Because of what happened, Kenshin vowed to never kill again after the Bakumatsu era and always protect Kaoru. Poor Tomoe, whose fate is worse than Juliet…
I’m sure that Peter, Kirito, and Kenshin all loved with all their heart their past loves. I’m sure they’re all wracked by guilt and blame themselves for what happened even though it’s not their fault and could’ve done nothing to prevent the untimely demise of their muses. Love and guilt – a perfect combination to impede the moving-on process of the heroes. But of course, no matter how great the love and/or guilt may be, heroes, just like us regular human beings, move on and find a new love. But don’t think that moving on and finding a new love makes the love they shared with the one that passed away is either forgotten or fake, no; it just means that they have accepted what has happened. After all, I’m sure Gwen, Sachi, Tomoe, and any other true lover would wish their love to find a new love again once they’re gone because they’d want their significant others to be happy. But even if the heroes have moved on, they still carry the weight of the past, making them more vigilant with the welfare and safety of their living muse, since they cannot afford the same thing to happen, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Heck, I’d do the same if I were them.
However, perhaps the greatest and most difficult things to get off the mind of a person whose love has died are the “what ifs”. Of course, if their love didn’t die, they could’ve still been together and never would’ve been with the one they’re with right now. Unfortunately, that’s how some fates are. Who knows? Maybe the current one is actually better, maybe not, but you can’t really contest fate. For me, Kaoru is better than Tomoe. While I have no doubt that Tomoe really did forget about her plot to kill Kenshin, Kaoru wholeheartedly trusted him and changed his life for the better – something Tomoe, who had a lot of emotional baggage, couldn’t have done. Sure, I prefer Sachi over Asuna, but the former would probably hold Kirito back, and he can’t afford that, lest they’d both die. Asuna, on the other hand, is a more competent swordswoman, making their in-game survival more assured. But what if Sachi…LIKE I SAID, I can linger in the “what ifs”, but reality is made of “how it is”, so I’ll have to live with it. What’s important is Kirito moved on and became happy with Asuna. After all, isn’t that what it’s all about? Love and happiness? Why would you hold on to your deceased lover, no matter how perfect he or she may be, if it’s just causing you pain? That’s not what they would’ve wanted. MJ versus Gwen? Damn it guys, I can’t answer that. You can’t make me choose between a cute blonde and a sexy redhead.
The dead may have left this life, but not their love, which makes the living keep on living, because as life goes on, there is hope – hope to find a new love, and in turn a new happiness. The dead, if only they can talk to us, would wish for the one they love to find someone new and be happy again, unless they’re the crazy-possessive type, . However, the one thing the dead asks is for them to never be forgotten by the one they love.
P.S. Shailene Woodley will be playing as Mary Jane Watson. Damn Sexy.
P.P.S. To those who are saying they don’t want to watch the The Amazing Spiderman 3 because Gwen died – you have to. I am sure that in Part 3, Peter will redeem himself and save MJ. That moment will be glorified, I assure you.
I put the I in the UNIVERSE. I hope I can put U too. 