Month: December 2015
A Hacker’s Outgrowing
I’m finally free; thank God it’s over – not the words you’d expect from a person who always wanted to be a writer for a profession. But if you were in the shoes of the one saying that, you’d say that no truer words have been spoken. Because ever since things changed for the corporate good, which meant worse for creative people like me, for us “millennials”, I knew I had to leave. Except I didn’t, as I was cash-strapped, so I stayed for three more months. At first I thought I was overstaying my welcome, only to slowly realize that I exited at the perfect time as my last day got nearer. And now that I am officially an ex-employee of my previous company, after going through many unforgettable highs and lows, I can now confidently say that it was one of my best runs so far.
The end began in the middle, around late August. It was a time of great upheaval, of talks about the turning of the company into a corporate one, of barely legal and grossly anti-employee contracts, and the enforcement of pointless laws. All of these changes were detrimental to our productivity and pride as young professionals, so a sudden mass exodus began. Many of the co-workers who I have become friends with over the span of a year were leaving one by one at a rate that made the management bothered and us happy for each other’s hastened arrival to greener pastures. It was officially the end of the company’s “golden age”, as freedom and happiness with work was replaced with shackles and grumbling.
Back in the old days, we used to believe in freedom – granted that we are held accountable for how it’s used – and the lack of need for supervision. Apparently, when I left, we still do, as it’s still part of the company vision/mission, whatever the hell that is, but that’s just what’s written on the walls and not what was still happening. Flexible schedule became a thing of the past. Work from home required top-level permission before it can be granted. Our output, instead of speaking for themselves, were regularly checked. We have begun using Slack, a chat site/program that allows the team lead to read every conversion, including those between the employees. And last but not least, on a more personal level, I cannot sit beside the girl I like, as it is detrimental to work even though it isn’t, and posting on Facebook anything that can be interpreted as against the company or any of its higher-ups, regardless of whether it’s actually them or otherwise, is a big deal and therefore punishable by public shaming in the guise of transparency and the upholding of respect, honor, and the company name.
Basically, everything that made the company feel so welcoming to millennials like us, made me want to work there, and made it unique was gone. And because even mere traces of such things can no longer be found in it, I had to leave, even if my-now girlfriend (more on that later on) is still there. It saddens me that what was once special has become part of the statistics, one of the thousands of startups that promised to bring something new to the table, only to end up as one of the businesses they promised they are not and will never become.
In the pursuit of my passion, writing, I joined that company, which looked and felt different, and promised me a way of doing work that is more laissez-faire and provides room to be myself and grow. That seemed true during the first half of my stay, then it no longer was by the second one. I still had hope that it would be true once again, but the bullet to the head of that wishful thinking is what our boss said, which is something along the lines of “passion will lead you nowhere. And you’re not special; you’re just a statistic”. ASSHOLE! IT LED ME TO HIS COMPANY, WHICH LED ME TO A JOB THAT GETS ME PAID FOR BEING A WORDSMITH, TO FRIENDS I WILL NEVER FORGET, AND THAT ONE GIRL I LOVE! AND TELL ME THAT EVERYONE I MET ALONG THE WAY IS JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC!
He traded something he once believed in and made us believe in for something as cheap as the socially accepted definition of success. Nevertheless, he was right – was, not is, because he is now wrong; following our hearts and our passions will lead to our own respective definitions of success, and mine happens to be fulfilling my dream as a writer, having true friends, and finding love. ALL OF THOSE THINGS DID HAPPEN, AND IRONICALLY BECAUSE OF HIM! So Sir, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for everything. I guess I shouldn’t be mad at you despite all that crap I had to go through because of your ridiculous mindset, because in the grander scheme of things, I owe you so much.
Looking back, I realized that I have become successful in the most serendipitous way possible. That success, however, is far from complete. I still have to find a better job as a writer, I still have to spend more time with the friends I’ve made to know them better, and I still have to keep loving her. And in order for me to do those things better, I have to grow into the person I am meant to be, and that means leaving the company. So to all my friends in both the golden age and the new age, this is not a goodbye, as I am always online, and I am always with you in spirit that small office home. This is merely a physical separation, a growing out of the pot we once shared. Don’t worry, we’re still in the same garden, so we’ll still see each other.
So, save for Berna, see you when I see you. I want you all to know that even in my new workplace, which I don’t know yet, and even in your new jobs, which is already true for the old ones and will be true in the near future for the new ones, we’ll always be…
Hackers. 🙂
Requited At Last: A Brave New World And A Lovely Girl
For the first time ever since my first foray into romance nine years ago, my feelings have been returned. And because of this blissful and new development, I am experiencing elements that are both nothing and everything I expected. Either way, to say that it’s beautiful – she is beautiful – is an understatement.
It’s no other than Berna, of course, a person that I was joking to have a crush on…until I realized that jokes are half-meant and I told more than two. And ever since I got to know her better, I discovered that she’s funny, weird, and full of life. She’s also into anime and manga, novels, and movies – especially the bizarre ones that not a lot of people are into, which are also ones I find interesting. She calls me a pervert and a masochist, while I call her a tsundere and a sadist – perfectly fitting, as the two of us are character archetypes that the foundation of many anime and manga are built upon. Strangely and not-so-strangely enough, we mesh well together on a level I have never felt before – not even with Amparo, and Amparo and I make so good a combination that the people around us can see it. And it is because of that unmistakable synchrony of our wavelengths that I began making initial moves on her and then ultimately asked her out on a date.
Honestly, I was surprised that she agreed to watch Spectre with just me alone. I gave her the option to drag along anyone she likes, but she didn’t. But despite what seems like an implicit declaration of our movie-watching as a date, I still didn’t want to assume anything because of my painful past romantic experiences. Going by that mindset, I thought it was too early for me to reveal my intentions, as it’s only the first date. Thankfully, I didn’t have to because she held my hand during the movie – a brave move on her end, because for all she know, I could just be bored and only want some company. And with the interlocking of our fingers during a James Bond film began our story. And in a good story, there has to be conflicts, plot twists, and of course, antagonists.
During the tricycle ride to work after our movie date, as she held my hand, she told me that we’re not yet even getting started and someone is already getting in our way. Our boss. It all began with me sitting beside Berna, a move that according to him will cause a decline to the entire team’s productivity, as past office romances, he claims, have been “disruptive” to work. So that the things he dread won’t happen, instead of actually getting to know us better and checking whether our officeserye is actually affecting everyone’s work negatively, he takes the lazy and corporate way out by assuming that we’re 100% like the past couples, couples that never were, and psycho stalkers with a crush, and impose a pointless seating arrangement that nobody really obeys because everyone has their own preferred seats. After all, sitting beside Berna is destructive to the company while facing the wall isn’t, even though I’m much more productive with the former and bored out of my wits to the point that I can’t write with the latter. Then again, maybe he just wants what’s best for the company, so official courting time is only during breaks and after work, and by courting he means any interactions between Berna and I regardless of context. Yep, nothing beats sticking to traditional corporate know-how that doesn’t really help; fuck trying out new things in the name of innovation and growth that might bring an unexpected and unprecedented boom to the company.
Sounds tough, right? Well, it is, but that’s actually one of the easy parts, as our boss is, more or less, a clear and obvious threat to our shipping. As of now, what I perceive as the greatest dangers are the negative principalities within and around us. She told me she’s moody. I told her I can handle it, but my words are yet to be tested. She hates it when I self-pity, whenever I tell her or imply that I don’t deserve her. And me? I fear that I might fail her, that I might not live up to her expectations, and that I might do something so wrong and stupid that I would hurt her. But as of now, since we’re at the very early stages, these known spectres have yet to truly manifest themselves, and unknown ones have yet to surface. Nevertheless, I am already bracing for the times when they do, for I know they’re not going to be easy, but I’m certain that weathering them is going to be worth it. And of course, I’m savoring every moment while they still haven’t.
Ever since I was a child, people have been telling me about the plethora of wonderful things that come with having your feelings returned. A lot, if not most of them, are true. What most of them failed to mention, however, is the other side – the many hardships that are part and parcel of this beautiful exchange of emotions. I’ve heard of them from a few lucid people in my life, especially those who were or are in a relationship, so I know that being liked back isn’t the end, but is just the beginning of both the joys and the pains. And to truly bring out and refine the former, the latter is necessary.
So Berna, I would like you to know that I want to spend a really long time being happy with you, I am more than willing to face the challenges the world throws at us and change for the better no matter how difficult, for I know that that is the only way that I can be with you.
It’s a beautiful yet somewhat difficult new world with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way – most especially easier – with anyone else. Tayo na, Berna. J
I put the I in the UNIVERSE. I hope I can put U too. 