End of the NGSB Age: Kano-joke

Posted on September 15, 2014

“Take a look at my girlfriend; she’s the only one I got. Not much of a girlfriend; I never seem to get a lot.”

-Gym Class Heroes, Cupid’s Chokehold

F yeah, I’m no longer NGSB (no girlfriend since birth)! Bring out the drinks, blaze the weed, turn that Pitbull up, ’cause we gonna party! Call up my boys, and call up my ladies! On second thought, stop phoning up the women, ’cause Anya’s gonna get pissed. Yes, her nickname is Anya, and her real name is Jenny Ann, and she refuses to be referred to as such because of Click Five. She’s twenty-one, a third year Fine Arts student from FEU. Well, my wish has finally come true; hurray, right? Well, the problem with me is that I wasn’t specific with my wish. Now that I got it – a girlfriend – I wish I no longer have one, or didn’t have one in the first place,   because I wasn’t specific, so the one I got, while I don’t strongly dislike, is someone I don’t particularly like either.

We met in Otaku Expo last month. I just talked to her and played Tekken 6 with her (most of which I lost), next thing I know she’s texting and calling me up like crazy…and calling herself my girlfriend and me her boyfriend. At first I thought it was just a damn joke, so I didn’t bother and played along, but things erratically spiraled into undesired places, and now we’re “official”.

She’s okay…I guess, except I don’t find her attractive. I don’t find her witty either. When we talk, aside from our talks about movies, manga, and anime, which I honestly find quite enjoyable, it’s just about her personal and family life, the drunkards outside her house, her college life, and other random things I’m not really interested in. As for her jokes, they’re shallow at best, while she doesn’t get mine. Basically, this means that in whatever aspect, I don’t really fancy her. Nevertheless, I do appreciate the things she does, such as greeting me good morning, being concerned whether I have eaten or if I’ll be sleeping early, and encouraging me in my endeavors. Also, I admire Anya’s skill in drawing, painting, baking, cooking, and League of Legends.

However, that’s all I can give her – appreciation and admiration, for I really can’t bring myself to like her in the same way she likes me. Having said that, I do my best to make her feel reciprocated, although in a lesser way, which is the most I can give, by replying to her mechanical texts and entertaining her phone calls that consist of unremarkable topics, which last half an hour at least and an hour and a half at most.

I don’t really know why any sort of attraction for her. Maybe it’s because I don’t find her physically attractive, which means I’m a superficial fellow, an irredeemable lookist who doesn’t deserve love. Well, in my defense, save Christina, I don’t usually go for overly beautiful girls; I just go for the ones who I find cute enough for me to not feel repulsed being intimate with. Maybe it’s because she’s not deep or passionate enough…or maybe that’s just my excuse. Then again, there’s this girl named Kim, a pretty chinita, who fancied me, but I didn’t feel the same way because I wasn’t mentally engaged in our conversations. Maybe it’s the lack of both. Well, if that’s the case, then I should’ve fallen head over heels with either Gillian or Jamaica, who both have brains and beauty, except I didn’t. Maybe she just lacks that certain “magic” that the girls I liked possess. Or maybe I’m just finding some self-justification for not wanting her. I don’t know. Screw criteria or idealistic values about how love should go beyond the sexual, philosophical, emotional, and whatever -als there is; I’m just not into her.

Still, she’s my first girlfriend, so I will cherish and learn from this experience of being in a relationship for the first time ever. At the very least, I’ll make her feel appreciated and happy. Of course I’m going to break up with her eventually, probably three months at least and five at most, give or take, but I’ll never forget her.