Month: November 2013
Hidden Leaf Green-Juts-u: Five Finger Stoned [NSFW]
“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?”
-Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody
Itachi, you’re pretty stoned.
Reality. Inescapable and boring. Not always though, but most of the time it is. And in the times when it isn’t, sometimes you just wish that the experience could be much more otherworldy. Much more…higher. Thus, man’s search for that oh-so-elusive high. The next level. The other world. Infinity. I’ve seen it and have been there before. Twice. Thanks to a five-finger leaf that I’ve never really actually seen by itself.
My second time was last Friday, in a public place. A restaurant in a mall. Yakimix in Mall of Asia, to be exact. It was Sister’s seventeenth birthday, and Brother thought it would be a good idea to get high during an eat-all-you-can buffet because of one of its side effects referred to by stoners as “munchies” – the feeling of extreme hunger. It wasn’t.
Right after I finished my first plate, I ate the cookie he gave me in the washroom. I was uncertain if one cookie alone would do the trick, as he handed me two. I ate one and waited for the magic to happen. I was a fool and a total douche to have taken it in the first place. But looking back, I guess it’s not that bad, as it’s a totally new and unforgettable experience that’s frighteningly fun.
The magic started kicking in after I was already full. At first I was wondering why I was feeling a bit dizzy and my perception of time and space was distorted, as if reality was split into many frames at a given time, jumping from one batch of frames to another. I was thinking that it couldn’t have been alcohol because I did not drink a single drop of the stuff that night. And then I remembered.
Unlike my first time, which was with a bong that hurt my damn throat with every oral inhalation, this time around it was with a cookie made with marijuana butter. And just like how oral drugs take longer to take effect compared to inhaled vapors, the cookie took so damn long to take effect that I already forgot about it. Unlike my first time, which was with three of my friends in his house and his parents out, I was in a public place, with Brother who knows I’m stoned, Sister who didn’t know I’m stoned, and Mother who also didn’t know I’m stoned and would kill me if she found out.
At first I was fighting the feeling of paranoia and fear of being trapped in such a surreal state forever and today being my last day, so I just told myself that it’s going to be fine. More than fine. Unforgettably and frighteningly fun, even. So I just enjoyed the genjutsu, walked around the place, went to the washroom, ate dessert (halo-halo and jellies), and read the brochure of Movie Stars Cafe, which seemed like some high-tech 3D brochure alive with so much colors. I gave the brochure back to Mother. She noticed that I looked drowsy and my eyes were red, so she asked me if I was on drugs. I laughed, then denied her claim. That was a much-too-close brush. If I wasn’t high, that would’ve meant nothing but a joke. But I was, and paranoia is one of weed’s side effects, so it seemed as if she was trying to bust me. Then again, even if I said that I was, I doubt she’d take it seriously, and I was never in any danger of being caught whatsoever in the first place. I guess it was just the paranoia after all. Damn, Mother’s joke is much more funnier in hindsight.
After stuffing ourselves in Yakimix, we had to go to Dairy Queen because Sister wanted fridgecake, which will definitely melt because our house is a city away. Nonetheless, it’s her birthday, and if she wants a Php749.00-worth fridgecake that will melt along the way, she will get it. As we made our way to Dairy Queen, we passed by Cinemas 1-6, which has outside halls full of bright and colorful neon lights of orange, green, and purple. Once again, they seemed so 3D, and it felt as if I’m in some sort of time tunnel-themed attraction in an amusement park. Except that I’m not. Only then did I realize that I was so high that I wouldn’t be able to find my own way if I was alone at that time, as reality was no longer split into many frames that jumped from one batch to another. Instead, it was unified into one blurred frame with a dark periphery that not only jumped from one frame to another, but skipped two or even three frames. Good thing I had guides. Then again, if I hadn’t taken the damn cookie in the first place, I wouldn’t have been stoned beyond redemption and would’ve not feared for my own well-being. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have written this in the first place.
As we waited for the fridgecake to be given, Brother and I stood by the side of the store, and I looked at this chinita girl wearing a black UST shirt who was in line for some Dairy Queen. I knew she saw me looking at her. I don’t know if that sat well with her, but whatever, I was high. I didn’t give a damn. All I cared about was that she’s so cute with her long brown hair and leaf-shaped chinita eyes. I cared about those qualities of her so much that I walked around in circles past her so many times. Or maybe I didn’t. I know I lack social graces but I would never do something as blatantly and shamelessly rude as that, so I asked Brother if I really did what I just thought I did. I didn’t. Thank God. Or maybe I did. After all, he was high too. Heck, I even received a text from him saying “weh, punta ka nga Dairy Queen?” As I wrote this post, I asked him what it meant. He said he can’t remember. I guess it’s always going to be a mystery if I did walk around in circles past that pretty chinita or not. Maybe it’d get answered when God in the end of time, when He flashes my life in front of everyone like a movie. That’s going to be so awkward.
Once we got the cake, we headed to Pizza Hut for Sister’s complimentary birthday pizza. Since there was no longer any space outside the restaurant, we sat on the other side of the mall’s plaza-like avenue, and I was wondering how we even got that far in the first place. Or maybe it wasn’t really that far, it’s just that my perception was shot. I told my brother how it’s only my second time and yet I was already in a threatening environment, so he just told me that I’d better just take it as some sort of “advanced lesson”. I guess that’s nice too. Sure, it may be safer at home, but there’s a lot more things and people to see at the mall. Especially chicks. More especially that Korean woman with a golden bob cut and a seemingly checkered dress. Apparently, I asked my brother to take a picture of me with her. Good thing Brother told me that she’s a mother who was with her husband and many children wearing bright and differently-colored clothes. Crisis averted. And I didn’t ask him again to take a picture of me with the tall and elegant Korean woman with long black hair wearing an equally black short dress. Unlike my first time when the only chick with us was a pretty morena that had a big rack who had to sleep early because she wasn’t feeling well, there were a lot more women this time, and they’re quite pretty too. Such a shame they weren’t high like me, that would’ve been…fun.
We were running to get a cab because the fridgecake was already melting. Amidst the chaos, I took Brother’s Blackberry Curve because he told me that he’s listening to Mixed Tape by Jack’s Mannequin. As we ran while I listened to the song, it seemed as if I was watching a movie, and Mixed Tape was its theme. It took quite some time for us to get one, enough time for me to get a realization. I could never forget Brother’s joke about how being inside Eren is like being in a hot box (a room full of people smoking weed), and then I thought that I was in titan form. I was a titan. Who was also in the avatar state. As the taxi we finally got zoomed, I realized that just like Charlie the wallflower, I was infinite. The dim yellow streetlights blurred into streaks as I listened to the Cedric Gervais remix of Lana del Rey’s Summertime Sadness. I drowned in the beat as it melted in my ear, and the fridgecake on my legs. Mother was alarmed with how it was dripping on the front seat’s cover, so she took it from me, and Brother took his Blackberry as well. I was drowning one moment, then my legs were burning the next. Wonderful.
When we got home, I washed the dishes and helped mother transfer the half-melted fridgecake to a container so that they wouldn’t suspect me of being high (paranoia is totally an off-the-charts side effect), and then I went on to exploring the other uses of this newfound higher state of consciousness. I was too high to play DoTA 2, so I watched and read Fairy Tail instead. This week’s chapter was in 3D, as if the pictures floated a bit off-screen and I could touch it. How cool is that? I also watched my favorite Fairy Tail episode, which is Yukino vs. Kagura. I also watched Sword Art Online episode 24, and the dialogue made much more sense this time around. Of course, Oberon made Alfheim Online as an exact copy of Sword Art Online, that’s why Kirito called him the king of thieves. LOL. As if I wouldn’t figure that out when I’m not high. Then again, it made more sense and seemed much more profound when I was.
Remembering Fernan’s message about how the link I sent him, which was about Jennifer Lawrence’s bouncing tits, was “imba”, I checked it out myself again. And I just stopped and looked at picture #2:
side note: picture #3 is the best
I swear, it’s almost as if a little J-Law is going to come out of my screen and I could grab her. Then I remembered that I wanted to watch porn while I was high. And not just porn, but Elle Alexandra porn.
Problem was that my folks were still awake, and I was already too damn high that my head was already hurting, so I had to call it a night. An unforgettably wonderful and frighteningly fun night. ‘Til the next time I ascend to a higher plane, I guess.
P.S.
I felt so awful about getting high on my sister’s birthday that I bought her a minion hat and a pack of strawberry KitKat all the way from Japan that I found in yesterday’s cosplay convention.
P.P.S.
I still have one cookie left. Next time, Elle Alexandra ♥
P.P.P.S.
Ameri Ichinose (top) or Ria Sakurai (bott0m) would also work ♥
Leave Me Be
If we need time away from the things and people we love, then how much more from the things we don’t? I hate work, and as much as I want to be away from it, I can’t because I need the damn pay. And as much as the company wants to keep me reporting to work everyday even though I don’t want to, it can’t, because I got my leave credits, which happen to be included in my rights as an employee. Bitches. But apparently, it can override that so-called “right”. And since it can, it will. In fact,it already has.
All I wanted was a day off today since it’s my sister’s birthday and I wanted to prepare for the upcoming cosplay convention this weekend, so yesterday I asked my boss for one, since I’m pretty much entitled to it. However, my boss suggested that I should adjust my work schedule and take half the day off instead so that I can still go to work. Really? I have zero backlogs, I have very light workload, and I have three leave credits – SO WHY IN TARNATION CAN I NOT TAKE A SINGLE DAY OFF?!
Pissed about my request going south, I asked my coworkers if my leave credits can be converted to cash at the end of the year. After all, if I can’t use it for what it’s truly intended for, I might as well get compensated instead. But apparently, the rule for leaves being converted to cash isn’t exactly straightforward. Here’s how it works – if you have five leave credits or less, they get carried over for next year. If you have six or more, then five of those leave credits get carried over for next year, and the rest get multiplied with your daily rate. And since regular employees only get a measly ONE LEAVE CREDIT every month, which could either serve as vacation or sick leave, it’s basically impossible to have them converted to cash since it’s highly improbable that you’ll never be absent for less than seven times in a year, which has 260 working days give or take. There’s no point in stacking them and converting them to cash because it’s nearly impossible to do, so it’s much better to use them all before the year ends. IF THE COMPANY WOULD LET YOU. And if the company wouldn’t let you have just one day off easily, it totally won’t allow you to stack your leave credits so that you can go on a grand vacation. Perhaps the only way to be able to use them all is feign an illness and file them as sick leaves. But then I’d have to secure a medical certificate. Ugh.
Seriously, there’s just no getting around these ridiculous rules regarding leaves. And then the company is trying to make us feel as if we’re uber-privileged to have these “reward points”. AS IF. Other companies give a lot more credits, while we get only a handful, and its use is totally subject to how they see it fit. We do our low-paying zero-growth jobs like sheeple, and then they get to refuse our properly processed request for a hard-earned vacation just because they want us to keep working for another day, even just for a few hours, just to keep production moving and the client satisfied. Then again, so what if the employees are denied of their rights to have rest days aside from weekends, right? I mean, employees just do the work the clients asks the company to do, which is the very reason why the company is alive, they’re not important, so let’s give them a few days’ worth of leave that have high chances of being rejected anyway.
Well, why don’t you just not give us leaves so that we can go AWOL whenever we please? That’d be fun.
Stormbroken
Haiyan was not just a super typhoon, it was one of the most powerful typhoons history has ever seen. And to say that the areas that were along Haiyan’s path of destruction are currently under a state of calamity is a very severe understatement. Floods have sunken many areas, making routes impassable. Vicious winds have torn up roofs, small houses, power lines, and cell sites, leaving most places with no power and means of communication. Storm surges have crushed anything near the coastline with massive walls of water, carrying off not only debris but also people along the strong current. Ten thousand people or maybe even more are feared to be dead, many more either injured or missing, and many of those who have survived have no food, clothing, and shelter. I have seen tons of pictures and videos of the aftermath of Haiyan’s wrath, as well as the many stories of survivors detailing how their loved ones were claimed by the storm, and I could not help but share the pain of those who have suffered. Even the supposedly noble Filipino values of patience and discipline have been put aside for now by the survivors, with many turning to looting shopping establishments as well as the dead due to the dire and desperate situation they are in. Haiyan not only devastated towns and cities, but also people’s spirits, values, and way of life.
Touched by the despair and helplessness of our countrymen, aid of different forms have poured from different countries. And I am certain that the Filipino people, especially the victims, are deeply grateful and indebted to them. Our entire country is indebted to them. Sadly, our own military hasn’t organized relief centers and cleaned up the mess even just a little, even though the other countries already have. It’s almost as if we’re lazily and shamelessly letting them do our job. Seriously, shame on our damn government. SHAME ON US. And as if that isn’t bad enough yet, well, there’s also the fuck fact that even though we’ve already received billions of pesos’ worth in total from other countries, many people, especially in far-flung, areas have not yet eaten for five days already, all because the government is saying that they are still inaccessible. REALLY!? THEN WHY ARE THE OTHER COUNTRIES ABLE TO REACH THEM? And then there’s the circulating rumors that the Department of Social Welfare and Development is giving less than the intended rationed goods per person. How could they, at a time like this? How I wish our government and military would have a heart for once, do their job for the first time in their wretched lives, and not keep for themselves what is intended for the victims.
While the government is barely doing its job and other countries are doing what is supposed to be the government’s job, just being thankful for it is and the fact that we’re not affected is not enough. Being spared from the disaster, we all have an obligation to help our suffering countrymen out. Pray. Donate. Volunteer. No matter how little the deed, the amount, or the item being donated is, it will still be able to make a difference. After all, a little is better than nothing at all, even better than a lot that falls to the wrong hands. If other countries have given so much for the victims despite the fact that they are totally unaffected by Haiyan at all, then how much more should we, their very own countrymen?
http://edition.cnn.com/2013/11/13/world/asia/typhoon-haiyan/
To the victims of Haiyan: have faith in God, and in yourselves. We the concerned citizens, other countries, some members of our government, and other relief organizations are out to help you all. Stay strong, help is coming. The storm is over, never let it ravage your hopes, faith, strength, and spirits any longer. 🙂
Thor: The Dark World (Movie Review)
As a sucker for all things mythology, Thor easily won me over, as it felt less of a superhero movie and more of a modernized adaptation of Norse mythology, kind of what Percy Jackson did to Greek mythology, although I HATE Percy Jackson (you probably know the reason why), not to mention that Marvel has been publishing Thor since the sixties. Anyway, I liked the first movie so much that I was looking forward to a direct sequel for it more than The Avengers, as I wanted to see more of Marvel’s re-envisioning of Norse mythology on the big screen. And two years later after the first installment, it’s hammer time once again with Thor: The Dark World.
After the events of the first movie and The Avengers, we find Thor (Chris Hemsworth) restoring peace and order throughout the Nine Realms, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) finally imprisoned in Asgard for his ambitious yet failed attempt to take over Earth, and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) still finding a way to Asgard and ultimately Thor. During one of her attempts, she stumbles upon a bizarre cosmic phenomenon that causes her to become the host of the Aether – a powerful weapon that can destroy the Nine Realms. Because of this, Thor brings Jane to Asgard in hopes of reversing her situation despite his father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) forbidding him from bringing anyone, especially from Earth, to their world. However, Jane is not the only person Thor brought to Asgard, as an ancient evil race known as the Dark Elves, led by Malekith (Christopher Eccleston), heads to the land of the gods in order to reclaim the weapon they have forged…and finally use it. Now it is up to Thor, with the help of his friends as well as someone who anyone he would ask help from the least, to stop the dark elves’ bid to power.
Acting – 10/10
Once again, both the Norse gods and earthlings alike deserve much praise from this movie. Chris Hemsworth has once again donned the cape and hammer perfectly, with this time around not as a humbled god but a proud and valiant hero who is willing to die and disobey orders in order to protect the Nine Realms and the woman he loves, all this without losing that much-loved headstrong and brash tendencies that comes from being the god of thunder. Natalie Portman, while serving as that all-important love interest as well as plot vehicle, was more of an effective comic relief this time around, along with her fellow astrophysicists Darcy (Kat Dennings) and Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard). The other Asgardian gods are back, with Idris Elba improving as Heimdall, who delivered more and more poetic lines as compared to the first movie and did not sound corny in any way whatsoever. Anthony Hopkins, on the other hand, shows us that with age truly comes skill, as he was able to flawlessly portray two totally different sides of Odin – a more fatherly one and an unwisely emotional one. But of course, we all know that Tom Hiddleston has once again stolen the spotlight by once again perfectly fitting the shoes of the god of mischief Loki. Arrogant, unrepentant, bitter, playful, humorous, redemption-seeking, heroic, pretentious, brave, enraged, downcast, bereaved, convincing, unpredictable, dishonest, charismatic, deceitful – Tom Hiddleston was able to play such a complex character with all these descriptions, so much much kudos to him. Talented actor indeed.
Story – 8.5/10
The story, while not exactly groundbreaking, is nonetheless good. However, because of it being not only a sequel but also a part of a much bigger saga of movies, it comes with inherent problems. First off is the fact that if you did not watch both Thor and The Avengers, you will be completely lost. If you watched just one of the two, you may be able to follow, but not be able to relate on certain jokes and references. Also, just like how sequels are usually, the storyline of this movie is just secondary, a mere means to either expand or reveal more of the franchise’s world and flesh out the main characters more. While this is not exactly a bad practice, it makes the antagonists of the current installment, despite being highly impressive in their own right, a mere plot device to give the heroes a problem to resolve and the audience an exciting battle to watch and a story to follow. However what is admirable with the story is that it definitely maximizes each character’s roles to propel the story forward, and even create the perfect setup for a third installment that not even those who have watched the movie still guessing on what it will be about.
Pacing – 8/10
The first installment took care of Thor’s much-needed attitude adjustment and this one assumes that the audience has watched Thor and The Avengers, so very little about the is explained about the Nine Realms and reason for Loki’s imprisonment and Thor being busy with forbidden to see or bring Jane to Asgard, although it does explain about the Aether and the Dark Elves sufficiently in a very exciting manner. Because of these factors, the time that was saved from exposition and character development (since there’s not much character to develop anyway) was used for many action scenes. However, while the action scenes were amazing and adrenaline-charged, the problem is that there is inappropriate humor in between, including one directly AFTER an uber-dramatic scene (although it won’t be if you’re genre-savvy). Not that I don’t like humor or anything, but it takes away the supposed seriousness of a fight or anything that is supposed to be serious.
Cinematography – 10/10
Once again, I want to give an eleven. From the old and cool costumes, Asgard, Vanaheim, and Svartalfheim’s sceneries, up to Asgard and Svartalfheim’s ancient yet advanced designs of buildings and machines, everything is just so beautifully and intricately designed and crafted with so much believability that it feels more of a Final Fantasy re-envisioning rather than a Marvel one. It puts the high in high fantasy. Maybe I’ll watch it again…stoned.
Overall – 9.1/10
While it would definitely confuse anyone who has not yet seen Thor and The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World is a very solid addition to not only the Thor series but also to Marvel/Disney movie saga. While others may see it as just a hook for bigger things to come such as Thor 3, Guardians of the Galaxy, and The Avengers 2 and 3, I on the other hand beg to differ – Thor: The Dark World is just what Thor fans needed, as it featured the return to asskicking of the thunder god, his pantheon, and his earth friends and a greater glimpse of Marvel’s marvelous adaptation of Norse myths. It’s not without noticeable flaws, but they’re easy to overlook once the fun starts rolling. So if you’ve seen Thor, The Avengers, have been following the Marvel/Disney movie saga, or a comic book geek who has been following Thor for so long, then it’d be a sin to miss this one.
NOTE: There will be TWO after-scene credits. Do not leave right after the obvious first one.
Ravaged
It’s just been a few days since a massive earthquake hit Cebu and Bohol. Hard. And just before they could even begin to recover, another natural calamity hits the country – typhoon Haiyan (a.k.a. Yolanda locally. We’ll use Haiyan ‘cuz it sounds cooler). It’s not just another typhoon, it’s the strongest typhoon this year. A super-typhoon. I wonder what our country did to incur Mother Nature’s ire?
The entire country’s been receiving warnings from PAGASA (Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical, and Astronomical Services Administration) as well as other international weather agencies ever since Wednesday, prompting everyone to prepare for the upcoming calamity. Problem is that it barely rained and no wind blew, making them seem like Noah who was telling everyone to get ready for a massive downpour but nobody believing him. Truly enough, just like Noah, the experts were right, as Haiyan already left a trail of destruction across Visayas.
Thankfully, the situation here in Manila was nowhere near as dire. Nonetheless, the winds were nothing less than fierce, sounding not only as loud rustles, but as deep howls and wails, akin to that of how movies theorize how a ghost would sound like. It may just be sound, but it’s more than enough to make me fear for my countrymen. After all, if the tempests in an area that wasn’t directly affected could cut thick branches and power lines, then it definitely did much more damage in the places that received the full blunt of its power – wind and rainfall damaging millions of pesos worth of property and infrastructure beyond repair as well as injuring and trapping hundreds or even thousands of people, leaving them without decent shelter and supplies. Some have already even died. There is no doubt that Haiyan is indeed this year’s strongest typhoon.
I couldn’t help but thank God for giving me a sturdy shelter with my family a hundred miles away from the storm, but I just couldn’t look away as I enjoy His protection, so I pray that He would protect and comfort them as well. Thankfully, Haiyan will be out of the country in a few hours. I hope everyone would be safe and stay safe…
I put the I in the UNIVERSE. I hope I can put U too. 