Bernadette, Your Bridge and Storm Responds…

Dear Tsundere-hime,

Truth be told, I don’t know how to respond. Until now I’m still overwhelmed with happiness and love over what I’ve read from you, even though you’ve already told me before many of the things you’ve written here. But like I said, every repetition of our declaration of our love for each other takes on a new meaning, and what you have written is one of the most meaningful and significant repetitions ever. And just like a work of literary art, it becomes more beautiful when dissected.

The things you told me I represent? You represent those things too. You represent those things coming to life and more. You manage to make me feel the supposed novelty of fiction take an actual physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual shape and form. And at the same time you remind me that our love is still anchored to reality, therefore there are struggles and limitations, yet they feel so organic, that despite their weight, they are very much worth bearing, that I would rather go through them than live another fiction-like life with another woman.

As for your fear, well, I felt that fear too, yet it was short-lived, for I realized that I should not dread the near-perfection of our connection. There is also another kind of fear I feel with you: the fear of you ceasing to love me because of my flaws – both discovered and otherwise – or because I have fucked shit up to the point of beyond repair. There is also the fear of us falling apart because of some machination of destiny. So I fight those fears, every day, the same way you confirmed and confronted yours, in order for us to be together forever, by loving you earnestly, and by being the best that I can be every time. And even though I fall short with the latter so many times, I want you to know that I earnestly try. I will never give up, because with you I never felt the fear of uncertainty that kept me from being serious with the girls I’ve met in the past, be it those who liked me and those who I thought I like. So you no longer have to hope that I feel the same way too, as I will already confirm that hope: this is it for us, honey.

Up to now, I am still bewildered by all those questions you have. About yourself. About me. About us. About our love. These wonderings of yours are a glimpse of the world that is your soul, whose ocean of thoughts is deep and always ebbing and flowing.  I do not know what to do or say about it, because what you think and feel and how you do things aren’t problematic. Rather, they’re reflections of you, and for me to even think that I should change you or “solve” those non-problems would be so pompous and pseudo-messianic of me; all I can do is to love all those parts of you, be with you every step of the way, and help you clear your doubts on love. So please, honey, always be honest and open with me, because I’ll never leave all you and all the truths – good or bad – that make you who you are.

Like I said, you’re who you are, so you’re not a liar and a coward; it’s just that to you, solitude is strength. And I agree; there is a great sense of pride and achievement for pulling yourself up. Relying on oneself, however, is not the only strength there is; there too is the strength we draw from others, the strength they lend us. That is why I’m here, and that’s why we’re together – to draw and lend each other’s strengths. Of course, I respect your need to draw strength from within, but I want you to keep in mind that I’m always here to help you. I’ll give you your much-needed aloneness at times, many times even, but not all time, and not during the times when our relationship lies in the balance.

Last but definitely not least, thank you, that I am able to make you feel a great and range of feelings, that my coming into your life like a sudden rain poured new and more vivid colors into it like a rainbow. Well, the same thing happened when you came into mine. You too were a rainbow. We both are. And this double arch of hues shall, like a monumental arch, shall stand the test of time. For it is – we are – more than stones put together; we are souls intertwined. And I love you, so much.